Deidara vs Happosai! Battle of the Explosions!
by Akasora-senpai
Summary: "Happo Dai Karin!", "Katsu!". Stoooop... You two are gonna blow up this whole town! Oneshot. Rated T for safety.


**Author's note: This is the beginning scene of first Ranma movie – with Dei-sama jumping in! What will happen? Just enjoy!**

Daybreak.

The sun rose higher, higher.

It was 8:00 AM.

It was a very normal morning in Nerima, Tokyo.

Behind the window of an apartment, a lovely orange shirt hung on a string gracefully waved in the morning wind. A few seconds later, a beautiful woman carried out a bunch of silk panties, soft brassieres out to the balcony and hung them up on the string. She turned around to walk into the building again, then she suddenly sensed something wrong on that balcony. The woman turned around immediately and…

"Aahh! My underwears are lost! Hey old pervert! Give them back! Hey!" – She yells. In the dawn, a small, short and stout old man wearing a dark green mask and carrying a black bag behind his back jumped from roof to roof, barriers to barriers like a ninja, continuously yelled: "Aah! Sweet! Whatta haul! Whatta haul!"

Old man Happosai never gave up his perverted habit. He charged into houses, collected bras, sport shorts and panties of all types and left behind his voice singing: "Whatta haul! Whatta haul!" and the female echoes went: "Come back here! Pervert!"

What a perfect song to start Happosai-sama's mornings, huh.

When he came back to the Tendo dojo to finish his harvest with Akane's underwears, while walking on the string, before he could reach her window, the old man felt a strong hand pulled him behind.

"_Teme!_ Watcha doin', old gramps?" – Asked the pigtailed boy holding Grandfather's head.

"Oh Ranma! I'm doing nothing! I think I just dropped something!" – The old goat replies with puppy eyes and tried to get himself out of Ranma's grasp.

"I knew it, gramps. I know watcha gonna do."

"Please Ranma! I just want to protect Akane-chan's panties! If I get any, I'll share you, okay?"

But, before Ranma can say anything in return to the old goat, a girl with blue short hair standing behind the window stared at the two with a wicked smirk.

"Ha! So you two are trying to steal my stuff!" – The girl loudly declared. She loosened the string's knot which was tied to her window. – You two prepare to die!"

After that, the blue haired girl suddenly tightened the string so Ranma and Happosai fell off into the pond on the ground. They landed with a loud splash.

"_Teme! _How dare you!..." – A girl with red hair tied into a pigtail jumped up from the water and tried to grab Grandfather.

"Serves you right, perverts." – The girl standing behind the window said. Still that smirk. Creepy.

"Hey Akane… I didn't do anything! I just tried to protect your panties…" – While female Ranma was explaining, Happosai put a panty into Ranma's hand.

"So you have shown your true self! I don't HAVE to listen any more words from you! Prepare to DIEEEEEE!" – The girl, Akane, pulled out a big hammer and charged downwards.

"Old gramps!... Hey! Stop it, Akane!" – Ranma yelled before running after Grandfather and avoiding Akane's attacks at the same time. Poor Ranma-chan.

At the same time, on a road, a boy wearing yellow clothes and a giant backpack on his back was wandering on one of his never-ending trips.

SLAP! Happosai put his foot on the boy's face!

An another SLAP! Ranma landed with one of her feet on the boy's hair and continued running!

The third SLAP! Akane ran over his face again!

"Sorry, Ryoga-kun! Hey you two! Hold it right there!" – Akane said before continuing her chase.

"Akane-san is in such a rush! Oh, what have those two done to you? I'll save you from the evils!" – Ryoga said. But, right afterwards, a motorbike ran pass him and splashed water from a puddle on him. Ryoga felt his body shrinking and turned into a black piglet.

But did that matter? No. He ran and joined the chase with "Akane-san".

A few minutes later…

"Pigtailed girl! Wait for me!"

"Ranma! Wo ai ni!"

"Saotome Ranma! Don't you dare steal my dear Shampoo!"

"Tsubasa! Give me back my sign and my curtain!"

"Oh ho ho ho ho ho!"

"Oh Charlotte! Come to your mommy!"

"Hey Azusa! Put your scarf offa my neck and stop pulling me! I EXTREMELY hate DEATH BY SUFFOCATION!"

Look. Hurray. We have an angry parade in the town!

With Happosai as the leader.

Well, before a black shadow with red spots on the body and blond hair shot across with lightning speed, hit Grandfather hardly, both him and the shadow dissapeared into a corner.

Everybody stopped chasing each other and watched what was going on. A few citizens came and watched too.

"Ha-ha! I got the Sanbi, un!" – The shadow – which was actually a quite handsome young man with long blond hair tied into a ponytail and wore a black robe with red clouds on it.

"Who are you, young man?" – Old Happosai ask with a frightened voice. He became even more frightened when he found out the young man had a mouth on each hand!

"Shut up, un! I am Deidara of Akatsuki, and I proudly declare that I have caught the Sanbi, un!"

"An another freak in town… wait a minute! What is Akatsuki?" – Asked Ranma. Deidara – the blonde man – didn't even have the will to turn around. He simply replied: "A ninja organization. We collect the demon foxes for our own… purpose."

Deidara wisely didn't tell that that "purpose" was taking over the world.

"Ooh, young man…" – Happosai's anger started to rise. – "You're calling me a fox? Which part of me looks like a fox, young man? Do I even have any tails?"

Without further information, the old creep put something looked like a ball of strings into Deidara's hand.

"Um, look out." – Said Akane. – "Grandfather will get extremely dangerous when he's angry!"

"Dangerous, un? What probably can this ball of yarn do to…"

BOOM!

"_Teme…_" – Deidara-sama used his hand to brush his silky blond hair and wipe of the black dust that covered his face. He suddenly showed off a friendly smile to Happosai and gave the old letch a white bun.

"Aah! Thank you, young man! Itadakimasu!" – Happosai was about to put the bun into his wide mouth when Deidara suddenly turned around, walked a few steps away from the old goat. He let two of his fingers from his left hand slightly touched his lips, and finally, Deidara finished his process with a loud shout:

"KATSU!"

BOOM!

"Young… man…" – Grandfather desperately tried to breathe. – "How… dare… you… bomb… me… with… an explosive bun?"

"It's not a real bun, it's just clay. And why would I bomb you? Because my art is a bang, un!" – Replied Deidara.

"Oh, how about we have a fight together?" – Happosai – finally regained his strength – stood up and declared.

"Bring it on, un!"

At first, Grandfather took control of the match. He kept throwing his "Happo Dai Karin" fireworks, making Deidara run like a rabbit.

But the young man, who didn't tend to back down, threw some explosive clay at the old lecher and KATSU!

The old creep and the young attractive man kept fighting like that for several hours.

"Two freaky men bombing each other… Interesting…" – Said Ranma.

"Look, Ran-chan." – Said Ukyo. – "Deidara's explosive clay is a lot more powerful than Happosai's fireworks. He has more chances to win! Go Deidara-sama! Beat the lecher to a pulp!"

Finally, Deidara seemed to have lost his patience, sent himself and Happosai shooting through the air with a big blast from the clay. The two flew like rockets and ended with Grandfather and Deidara kissing Akane Tendo's room window.

The two safely landed on the balcony. Something soft fell on them.

Ranma, Akane and their companions arrived at the Tendo dojo just in time. Akane stared at her room's balcony for a moment and… "Oh… How dare those two… _Teme!_" – She turned angry and charged into the house.

"Aah… Sweet! Akane's panties!" – The old gramp buried his face into the bunch of panties and bras that were supposed to be hanged until dry.

"Now you have shown your true self, un! You are such a lecher, un! I can't believe I'm sitting here with an old ugly art-hating pervert!" – Deidara-sama grunted when the two of them felt some heat running on the staircase.

"You two! Prepare to die!" – Akane slam opened her room's door and with a hit from a frying pan, she turned Happosai and Deidara into shooting stars. Again!

"Aaaaah! This is way more powerful than any kinds of explosion, un!" – The young blonde man yelled as if it were the end of the world.

Ranma, Akane and their friends followed the two again. This time, it's Ranma being mad when Happosai safely landed with his head between her breasts!

"Hey young man…" – Happosai murmured. – "If you're ever going to blast me off again, make sure that I land into a beautiful place like this…"

Ranma turned red. She turned even redder when Deidara just stood there in front of her without doing anything helpful, such as "PULL THE LECHER OUTTA ME, _TEME!_"

"You are a beautiful lady, un!" – The blonde man started babbling. – "I can't believe I get to stand in front of a girl like you! You're even more beautiful than Tobi's _Sexy no Jutsu_…"

Eh? What is this guy talking about?

But did Ranma care one bit? No. She got the old goat out herself, fiercely hit him against the ground and was about to step on his dwarf body.

Happosai just bowed down in front of the red head, put on such puppy eyes and continuously went: "Ranma! Gomen nasai! Ranma! Gomen nasai! I'll never do the same to you again!"

Ranma instead of trying to hurt Happosai, she turned to talk to Deidara with a seductive voice and face: "Hey Dei-sama… Can you show me how to use your explosive… thing?"

"Well… Yeah." – The blonde man gave Ranma some of his explosive clay. – "It's simple. Throw this at the opponent, make the hand sign… No, not that. Two fingers. That's right. Keep that hand sign, and katsu."

"Pardon?"

"Katsu. Shout that command out loud and the clay will explode."

Ranma nodded her head, meaning that she understood. She threw a big ball of clay onto Deidara's foot. She walked a few steps backwards, did that "two fingers" hand sign, and…

**KAAAAAAATSU!**

Katsu!

_Katsu!..._

"Aaaaaahhh… I love you so muuuuch, un! Can we meet again some tiiiiiime, un?..." – The blonde man wearing black flew for the third time through the crystal clear blue sky like a bird. Where did Deidara-sama fly to, you ask? Well, I don't know, but I think he's waaaay out of Japan.

"Now, ol' lech." – Ranma turned around to face Happosai. – "I think you're gonna love some explosive punishments!

"Ranma! I haven't punished you for stealing my underwears!" – Akane pulled out her big metal hammer again. That sentence of hers was followed by: "Pwig pwig pwig!", "Pigtailed girl! Jump into my arms!", "Ranma date Shampoo!", "Saotome Ranma! Die!", "Ran-chan!", "Ranma-sama! Oh ho ho ho ho!", "Charlotte, come to your mommy!".

And the angry chase began again.

**End of story.**


End file.
